8/23/2003
It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a little earlier, i called him,

:Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up?


:Alright, give me 5 minutes.


:5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house.


:I need to get ready.


:Alright, make it fast then.


2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree and fan myself.


Although it doesn't make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned.


5 minutes have passed, he's still not shown up, I was a lil' unhappy while looking at my watch.


10 minutes and he's still not here....couldn't be that he was met with an accident?


15 minutes passed, he finally shown up.


:Why are you so late?


He wasn't even a lil' bothered: Nahz, was watching TV.


:What?! TV?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then?


I haven't got anything else to say for that, didn't take the helmet he handed me but stood there and stared at him.


:Sorry.


This was the first time he said sorry to me...


He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a girl.


I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home.


He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels.


The only thing he does is to apologise. To me, somethings can't be settled with a sorry.


I would never go on asking after everytime he apologises.


He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl.


Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once correct his mistakes.


Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead.


Tears flowed down my cheek on the 59th time he apologised.


I dropped my head: you don't ever need to say sorry to me again.


If you can never change, th en don't let me keep giving you chances again and again hoping and believing that you would change each time.


He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry.


Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever.


I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me.


:What's wrong with you these few days?


:Nothing.


:Then why are you acting so strange?


:I am not.


:What can you say other than this answer?


:Do you know I'm very woried, very insecure,


do you treat me as your girlfriend?


:I'm sorry...


:I don't want to hear you say sorry again.


I put down the phone and he did not call back.


He doesn't even care about me. Maybe we should....break up.


....this was the 99th time he said sorry...


From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him.


Sometimes I get an anonymous phonecall


but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it's a call from him, but why don't he speak up?


After one month have passed, I couldn't contain the feelings I still have for him anymore and went to his school to find him.


I went outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of him.


:excuse me, is XOXO here today?


:I'm afraid he already stopped schooling.


:Huh? Why? When was that?


:He hasn't been in school for a month already.


:Oh erms...thanks.


One month....not in school for one month...why is that so? I stumbled home.


Called his hp: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your message after the tone....


I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer.


How can it be? The whole family migrated?


It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth leaving not even a single trace.


I couldn't find him....just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone suddenly sounded, it was my friend.


He was one of his brothers and also my good friend.


:Hey, what have you been doing? XOXO is in hospital.


:REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?


:Oh he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time.


:I'll be right there.


I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the hospital I saw that his parents were already there.


I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall.


He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle,


:Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you contact me?


He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again.


:Come on answer me...why don't you speak?


A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the greatest amount of strength that he could master to say...


:I'm...sorry...


After that, his eyes went shut.


:Hey, don't fool around alright...why say sorry to me?


:Don't say sorry to me....please wake up....answer me please.


I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt I cried out..


:Why do you have to apologise? Why don't you give me an explanation instead?


:I won't forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use...


:If you don't wake up I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please I beg of you..open your eyes.....


That was the 100th sorry


A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to revive him. I had no strength to stand up...


My mind was a blank.... my eyes could only see a sea of black.


He did not leave this world...I merely lost the chance to touch him anymore.


But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing.


He's still accompaning me, still alive, in my heart.


would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling....just that...he never apologise to me anymore.


After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box...inside was


a 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them..the reasons why he made me angry.


The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up.


I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth then,


before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still made it a point to meet you, please forgive me?


The second time, my dear, I...


The third time, my dear, I...


The 100th time, my dear, I didn't mean to leave you alone in this world,


It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger....


You are the first girl I apologised to.


And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life...


Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your angel, always looking out for you...


Looking at you while you find your happiness...promise me...don't shed a tear...


I don't want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~XOXO


How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible.


The last photograph was of him in the hospital,


Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever.


His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the last photo, the 100th.


At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn't with him.


:I'm sorry.


I held the photo tightly and cried for us.....



i got this email and i think the story is damn nice..read it kaez..thanks to the person who translated this..
voNnNnNnN' @ 9:12:00 PM/

--*==*--

yvonne, this is what the foods you eat say about you:
You are affectionate, giving and loving. You are very understanding of others which makes you a person others want to be with.

You're very careful and circumspect in all matters but you won't face any problems until they actually happen. Also you're a kind and sensitive person.

You love the good life. You live extravagantly and like everything around you to be beautifully crafted. You are optimistic, have an excellent sense of humor and enjoy having your friends around you.

You are logical, smart and inventive. Sometimes you are too cold and selfish.


voNnNnNnN' @ 9:03:00 PM/

--*==*--

8/22/2003
alright, i haven't been blogging for days, simply because, i dunno how wat to say. i noe that my prelims are near..somehow i just cannot bring myself to study, i have an endless list of things to do, to understand and to settle, like cip hours, missing tutorials, notes and stuff like that...althought i think bout what i have to do nicely in class and all that, the moment sch finish, the devil in me takes over, he tells me to go do other things, do this do that, meet this fren, find this fren and such

and then i will panic at nitez, but by that time it's already too late, sometimes i envy my frens, they seem to have no troubles no worries, things go perfectly well for them..well..maybe they do have their problems, but...u just dun see it?

aniway, mum came back from malaysia after 4 days and 3 nitez, she went to a number of places which i can't remember...but she went on quite a crazy shopping spree, not that she came back wif more bags, but she came back wif some ridiculous stuff like : DUMBELLS ? huh? she bought these pair of nike dumbells cos she claims that they are cheaper..oh well..alright, and she bought a water bottle holder for my sister which when converted to sing dollars will be bout $50..i think it's a big waste of money, but..as long as it makes her happy lah

she bought me a pair of roxy sunglasses a skirt and a green shoulder bag, erm..i like the skirt alot although it's a little tight, the bag is alright cos' we can all share....haha, it's nice to have someone to buy stuff for u u noe...

erm..going to do cip tomorrow again! argh, i dun have enough hours! and maybe meeting tina they all to study, not confimed though..cos'...nobody said anything yet..sigh, i am sick of planning and asking and trying to coordinate things but they all do not work out..

i'm in kinda of a depression, maybe stress or loneliness or something i dunno, but. it's seriously driving me crazy

and i went crazy and bought somebody a gift today, yes, i bought a tie, for someone, for no reason just that, i feel that it suits him. i think i am mad, as in MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD.

voNnNnNnN' @ 8:09:00 PM/

--*==*--

8/14/2003
life's depressing...when u suddenly realise that...one day you are going to die, it's either early or late. someday it's ur turn. it's like if u take one step backwards, and think about it, the current problems u have now like what tests? mindless quarrels with your classmates parents..watever is just NOTHING.

suddenly feel that i have to do something, something that i really want to..like things that i want to do dun dare to do...cos' i never know when i will die, it's just like, u like something very much, but u will go broke if u get it, but u kinda kill braincells thinking whether u want to get it or not..then u realise better not, but then again if u get it..u will be happy and what matters most is if u are happy ritez?

sigh, suddenly i am in why is life like this? it's normally when things happen that u step back and relook at your life and the things u want to do. people always plan : 3 As for a levels, but are u really sure u can live till that day? suddenly i treasure everything that i lurve, things that i actually care for, but i just dun say it : my mum, my dad, my sis ( even though she's irritating ) my kor alan, my meiz samartha, my frens, liting, yuri, christina, maureen, melissa, huili, wai soon, shi min, cheryl, sandy, guitar pple, chun wei, alvyn, jieyang, poh liang, roy, evelyn, shufang, li xia, my sec sch frens : weed, zhongming, guides : dawn, yek, suyi, siyun, argh, the list goes on

but the most impt thing is, i've never told them how much i care for them, although we quarrel...get into disagreements, but i cannot bear for anithing to happen to them, i want them to be happy, at least not sad or anything, even though i know i will sometimes get on pple's nerves..it's like, i dun mean it..but..u just dun have the courage to say you're sorry, it's the pride thing

so now i am making a new resolution : i shall try to put myself in people's shoes and when i make a mistake or something, i shall not let my pride get into the way.

i am affected by the death of sherry's dad, although i am not very close to her, she's afterall my classmate, tuition mate, sch mate... i am very afraid that one day, my parents will go also, i dun want them to go, but..they will have to sooner or later, they're quite old already, like 40 + and 50 + not cursing them..but...u always think it would happen to u, but..when it does..what do u do? panic? cry urself to death?

sigh. i guess i'll have to rethink bout my life after all...and then...maybe i'll make a will?? cos' u never know when u will just drop dead and die?
voNnNnNnN' @ 4:08:00 PM/

--*==*--

8/10/2003
haha..guess what? i went to embassy @esplanade with ting, yuri and tina...oh my gosh! i can't believe it...it's like so unbelievable man..we went early to avoid a crowd..but there wasn't any crowd..so we were like inside embassy at 1010 and there it was so empty, aniway, to cut short the story..it was mainly an older crowd and they wasn't really into dancing and stuff..but...oh well..it's an experience

omg, and something 'new' happened..some guy bought tina a drink and wanna know her..and mikey, one of the singers from the house band actually came over talked to us..and horror! carry liting..haha..it's so surreal..like something that dun happen to u...only in tv shows and those big super chio tv starlets who can make such things happen..haha, i am still quite dazed..and well..i am still sick..

then i just woke up not long ago..with a feeling of emptiness inside me..i feel kinda stressed and depressed all of a sudden..i dunno why...but i have no reason to? sigh, dunno lah..blame it on pms..hahaha...nitez

voNnNnNnN' @ 10:55:00 PM/

--*==*--

8/09/2003
haha, i had a great day today, meet huili they all at five pm at little india..went to eat at shimin's dad stall then we went to chinatown..they wanted to buy levi's jeans but...no size..but heyz no worries...can buy other stuff ritez

then we went to sing at cha ren zhi jia, so expensive...argh! but never mind i enjoyed myself..somemore i got sore throat then not feeling well..but still glad i went..we wanted to go play pool then guess what? all four of us never bring ic! so corny! hahaha..aniway, i very tired liaoz..gonna sleep and HAPPY NATIONAL DAY SINGAPORE!
voNnNnNnN' @ 12:32:00 AM/

--*==*--

Three for the Elven Kings under the sky,
>
>Seven for the Dwarf Lords in their halls of stone,
>
>Nine for mortal men doomed to die,
>
>One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne.

voNnNnNnN' @ 12:28:00 AM/

--*==*--

8/03/2003
NAME ANALYSIS FOR: teo yifang yvonne


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

teo:

You are an overly sensitive person, often falling into a savior-martyr role. You are very skeptical and have more than your share of bad luck. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You have a great deal of loyalty to those you love. You have much inner strength.

yifang:


Financial gains and status are important elements in your life. You want to do things in your own way and on your own terms. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You are naturally friendly. You can be the life of the party. You have much enthusiasm with a driving attitude toward achievement in life. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You are a hard worker when you make up your mind to do a job.

yvonne:


Your independence and freedom are important to you. You can easily detach from people and situations. You enjoy unconventional friends. You need to learn flexibility. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You must learn to give 'wise' service and not be a martyr. You need to learn to be expressive. You are a person who cannot tolerate being misunderstood
voNnNnNnN' @ 12:01:00 AM/

--*==*--

8/01/2003
am fuming, positively fuming. i am pissed, as in PISSED. i am really angry okay, dun insult me. ever. period, the last thing i can stand is someone insulting my character. wtf. if i do not have something good to say, i dun say it unless i am positively sure of it. and i do not say things about people about their appearances. looks are not everything, i am not a goddess myself, i noe how it feels to have people critisize ur looks, it's not their fault they look that way okay.

this just puts me in a foul mood. that's it man, i am seriously considering whether he is a worthy fren to pass such an unjust comment bout me, watever okay.

voNnNnNnN' @ 10:34:00 PM/

--*==*--

i am fuming, positively fuming. i am pissed, as in PISSED. i am really angry okay, dun insult me. ever. period, the last thing i can stand is someone insulting my character. wtf. if i do not have something good to say, i dun say it unless i am positively sure of it. and i do not say things about people about their appearances. looks are not everything, i am not a goddess myself, i noe how it feels to have people critisize ur looks, it's not their fault they look that way okay.

this just puts me in a foul mood. that's it man, i am seriously considering whether he is a worthy fren to pass such an unjust comment bout me, watever okay.
voNnNnNnN' @ 10:29:00 PM/

--*==*--