10/26/2004
drunk but sober
alive but dead
rules shall be damned
n sovereignty reigns.

he who is ignorant shall be forgiven
but he who choose to be ignorant..ought to be shot.

copyright @vonnnnnnn'
voNnNnNnN' @ 1:04:00 AM/

--*==*--

10/25/2004
i feel stressed..my exams are coming, i dun feel prepared and yet i am torment by my own stupid feelings..i also dunno why, somemore it's totally useless and stuff that make myself miserable..argh

i dun consider myself an evil person..i try to forgive and forget..and i try not to bear grudges..because nobody is perfect.i know..i also make errors..i also screw up..i am not perfect..though i try to do my best..but honestly..i dunno why i really hate/jealous/dislike this person.. it's like whenever i hear anything regarding..or see something related.. i feel my whole mood change, my heart sinks, my brain gets angry with myself, with things..with everything..does anybody think this way

and the fact is that.. it bloody gets on my nerve, because i have never felt this way towards a person..then it makes me feel like i am one big evil person..because i have these kind of thoughts

argh! and then i feel that i haven't acomplish a shit, and a useless being and what is my future, how does my future looks like, what am i supposed to do? and everything looks bleak and life just totally sux.

argh... and then i will go to gp tuition and listen to my gp tutor who makes me feel that..i am a selfish moron who puts myself as the centre of universe. which in fact makes me an even more evil person..bloody shit.

i honestly feel like killing myself.
voNnNnNnN' @ 1:28:00 AM/

--*==*--

10/13/2004
suddenly felt like blogging, so many things to say..dunno where to start from
tuition almost everyday, i don't have a life anymore, surprisingly i am quite contented with my life now, wake up, go tuition, then go meet serene, or the school of thought (SOT) people to study. i see my tuition teachers more than i see my parents i feel..haha, when i get home i just slack around, eat watch tv, then back to study again. this whole routine repeats until i give myself a break day, which i did a few times, went to catch a movie and had a good dinner, went for 5 hour ktv on another occasion, and swam..

my studies are alright, i am not fully prepared, but i am doing my best, feeling more confident than i did last year...and hopefully i will do much better..sigh..maybe because i have grown up, i have a goal in my life, i know what i am doing, and suddenly i look around me, i feel that..there's alot of drifters and floaters around, i don't deny that in some areas i tend to run away, to deceive myself that things are okay and wonderful, which in actual fact is not..sigh, but its just things that i cannot change..no matter how much i want to okay

whenever i blog, i feel depressed. is that why i blog then? to destress?
sigh..
voNnNnNnN' @ 10:19:00 PM/

--*==*--